Living With A Parent Who Has Anxiety

By Emily Robinson, Remain Connected Marketing Director

Google defines anxiety as “a mental condition characterized by excessive apprehensiveness about real or perceived threats, typically leading to avoidance behaviors and often to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and muscle tension.”

For those of us with an anxious parent, the reality and challenges of navigating someone else’s anxiety can be all too real. Growing up, my mother’s anxiety manifested as an extreme need to control me, irritability at small things, and overall a fearful and unstable lifestyle. She had many fears about my whereabouts, who I was hanging out with, and lashed out in anger when I didn’t see things in the same way as she did. 

When I tried to bring up these topics, she was very avoidant. I was told that I was ruining her day, giving her a headache, and that she simply didn’t know the answers to my questions. I resorted to lying about my life and friends in order to avoid the extreme judgment and hostility that I would receive by being truthful. I understood that her need to control came from an irrational fear of me being in danger, but

there was nothing I could do to change her perspective.

Knowing exactly where someone’s behavior is coming from is totally different from 1) Processing the emotions that you need to, and 2) Knowing how to navigate it in your everyday life. I understand that my mother’s childhood, genetics, and life led her to be a very anxious person. This knowledge does not help me process the sadness that I feel because of it, and the ways that her anxiety hurts my life. I had gotten to a place in our relationship where I felt responsible for her well-being and how happy she was every day. I tried to control it, stabilize her, and minimize myself in order to minimize her anxiety. This doesn’t work. A chronically anxious person is not anxious about one particular action, they are anxious about everything and will find a way to be so. Read below for some tips on how to separate your emotions from those of your anxious parent, as well as things to think about in order to stop the cycle of anxiety.

Tips for Living with a Parent who has Anxiety:

Learn to Establish Boundaries

It's crucial to set and maintain healthy boundaries to help protect your emotional well-being. Be clear about what behaviors you will and will not accept, and communicate these boundaries calmly and assertively. Remember, it's okay to say no and to take time for yourself. Do not feel guilty for having needs of your own, even if your parent does not understand them.

Focus On Yourself & Your Goals

Living with an anxious parent can lead to focusing on them more than yourself. Find the activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Exercise, hobbies, and spending time with supportive friends can make a huge difference. It’s easy to get consumed by your parent’s anxiety, but it’s important to prioritize your own life and goals. Pursue your interests, career, and personal growth. This can help you maintain a sense of normalcy and purpose. There is a world outside of your household.

Seek Support

Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional counseling, you need to have an outlet to express your feelings and feel heard.

Educate Yourself

Understanding anxiety can help you navigate your relationship with your parent more effectively. Learn about anxiety disorders, their causes, and coping mechanisms. This knowledge can provide insight into your parent's behavior that ultimately helps you treat them with more empathy and kindness.

Encourage Professional Help

Gently encourage your parent to seek professional help if they are open to it. Therapy, medication, and other treatments can significantly improve their quality of life and your relationship. Be supportive and patient, but recognize that change must come from them.

Take Space with Love

Taking space doesn’t mean you stop caring about your parent. Instead, it means you stop trying to fix their problems and focus on maintaining your own emotional balance. Love them without trying to control or manage their anxiety.

Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety:

Recognize Patterns & Develop Coping Strategies

Identify the behaviors and situations that trigger your parent's anxiety and your own reactions to them. Understanding these patterns can help you develop strategies to manage your responses and avoid falling into the same cycles. Create a toolbox of coping strategies that you can use when dealing with your parent's anxiety. This might include setting time limits on conversations, practicing affirmations, or using relaxation techniques.

Stay Grounded During Hard Times

When your parent’s anxiety peaks, practice grounding techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or visualization to stay calm. This can prevent you from getting caught up in their anxious state. Surround yourself with people who understand your situation and can offer support. This might be friends, family members, or a support group. A strong support system can provide a sense of stability and perspective.

Focus on the Present

Anxiety often involves worrying about the future. Encourage your parent and yourself to focus on the present moment. This can reduce the overwhelming feeling of trying to control everything. Ask yourself if something is actually high-stakes, as opposed to when it is simply something that your parent thinks is urgent.

Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate small victories in managing anxiety. Whether it's setting a boundary or taking time for self-care, recognizing these achievements can boost your confidence and motivation. Additionally, celebrate your parent’s wins against anxiety. If they meditate, take a breath before responding, or start to change their perspective, celebrate and encourage your parent to continue on their anxiety journey.

Living with an anxious parent is challenging, but it is possible to navigate this situation with compassion and resilience. You are meant to be seen, heard, respected, and ultimately in charge of your own life. Establish boundaries, seek support, and focus on yourself to maintain your well-being while practicing empathy with your parent. Remember, you are not alone, and help is available. Embrace the journey of understanding and managing anxiety with patience and love.

Disclaimer: Remain Connected Counseling is a team of licesned therapists in Smyrna, Roswell, and Cartersville, GA. Emily, the author of this blog post, is not a licensed therapist. She is our Marketing Director. This is not professional therapeutic advice.

Begin Working With A Therapist in Marietta, Roswell, or Cartersville GA

Please consider reaching out to a qualified therapist. Our team of caring therapists would be honored to offer support with in-person and online services from our Marietta, GA-based practice. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

• Reach out to talk to a Marietta, Roswell, or Cartersville therapist.

• Have your first appointment at Remain Connected.

• Learn how to wait well.

Other Services Offered at Remain Connected Counseling

Our team knows you may experience other issues in your life. This is why we are happy to offer a variety of services including teen therapy, anxiety treatment, and EMDR therapy. In addition, we also offer life transitions therapy and depression counseling, and more all under a Christian counseling lens. By using online therapy, these services are available to anyone in Georgia. Learn more about our team of dedicated therapists and contact us