Overcoming Single Mom Guilt: Embracing Grace and Self-Compassion
- Mayra Richards
- May 1, 2024
- 2 min read
By Mayra Richards
Overview of Single Mom Guilt: As a single mom, you often think you should carry the weight of your whole family on your shoulders. Balancing work, parenting, and household responsibilities can leave you feeling overwhelmed and, at times, consumed by guilt. In this blog post, we delve into the common struggles of single mom guilt and explore practical strategies to overcome it with grace and self-compassion.
Understanding Single Mom Guilt:
It’s natural to experience guilt as a mom, but especially as a single mom. You may question if you're doing enough for your children, if you're providing them with the love and support they need, or if you're neglecting your own needs in the process. Often, single moms worry that the time they get with their child is not enough or that your child is lacking stability if you don’t get remarried.
Mama, I am here to tell you that whether you are a single mom by choice, by loss, or divorce, you are doing an amazing job. How do I know? I was raised by a single mom and I know the sacrifice, the love, and the power of seeing a woman take care of her children and do it well. Was my single mom perfect? No. Are you perfect? No. That does not mean that you are failing in any way. We all do the best we can with the tools that were passed down to us.
Your guilt is coming from a place of care so let’s process that. By definition alone, guilt means that you have committed an offense or crime. So when it comes to mom guilt, what you are feeling is that by not doing enough, having something, ( fill in the blank), you are doing something wrong and oftentimes I see that turn into shame. Shame will say that you are wrong or your life is wrong. Mama, you have to let that go and recognize that these feelings are normal… but they don't define your worth as a mother.
Challenging Unrealistic Expectations:
Society often imposes unrealistic expectations on single mothers, expecting them to be superheroes who never falter. You are probably thinking that you need to be the mom and the dad of your household. To be honest, that’s not possible nor does it need to be possible for your child to be ok. Your child needs you to be the best version of you, just like my child needs me to be the best version of me that I can be that day.
Children do not need you to pretend to be anyone other than who God has created you to be: kind, merciful, honest, loving. How you do that will differentiate according to your personality and values. Release yourself from the burden of perfectionism and the burden put on by social media that life should look a certain way. It does not.
You're doing the best you can with the resources and support available to you and that, mama, is the best gift you can give to your baby. Embrace imperfection as a beautiful part of the journey. Teach your child that in that journey there is so much grace to be received from God for you and for your kids.
Prioritizing Self-Care:
You have probably heard that you can't pour from an empty cup. Take a deep breath when you see these words because you are probably thinking when in the world will I make time for me? Now they are telling me that I am empty and whatever I pour out is not enough. Take a deep breath mama, I’m here to help you a little! First know that prioritizing self-care isn't selfish; it's essential for your well-being and the well-being of your children.
So what does that look like as a single mom? I often think about how often we would go to church events, mom would drag us to all the Catholic church events and now I finally know that it was because she loved God AND she needed adult time and often times that meant she would put us in Bible study or the nursery so she could go have her own time. She could go fill up her spiritual cup and social cup so she could pour out to us.
Another way is to not compare, self care is whatever nourishes your soul and that could mean going on walks, getting a membership for Burn Boot Camp ( I personally love South Cobb) because they have childcare, have your kids do an hour quiet time in their room (hello Tonie Box) while you read or organize your closet (listen organizing truly refreshes my soul!)
Whatever you do in that alone time needs to be refreshing, which means: put your phone down and be present, move your body, whether it's taking a bubble bath, going for a walk in nature, or enjoying a cup of tea in solitude. Remember, self-care is a radical act of self-love.
Seeking Support:
You don't have to navigate the challenges of single motherhood alone. You are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, you know those friends who make you laugh out loud, family members who are good listeners or distractors, or support groups who can offer a listening ear, practical assistance, or a shoulder to lean on.
There are Facebook groups that are full of moms looking to meet other moms because they need you as much as you need them. It is a great community of fellow single moms who understand your struggles and can provide empathy and encouragement.
Reframing Negative Thoughts:
Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with affirmations of self-worth and resilience. When you do something wrong pay attention to what you think about yourself, a lot of time people will say, “I am so stupid. I am a failure, I am a bad mom, I am always mean.” Those are negative thoughts and we'll never be a good motivator to do the “right” thing.
Replace those thoughts with, “Man, I did something dumb,” “dang that was a bad move, I will do better next time!” I know it sounds silly but replacing these thoughts is really helpful to start creating a positive and nurturing self talk. Instead of dwelling on perceived shortcomings, focus on your strengths as a mother and the love you pour into your children's lives every day.
Lastly, practice gratitude for the blessings in your life, no matter how small they may seem.
Conclusion for Single Moms:
Having single mom guilt is normal but it does not have to drive your everyday actions. By embracing grace and self-compassion, you can overcome feelings of guilt and cultivate a sense of empowerment and resilience. Remember, you ARE enough, and you are the best momma for your children.
My prayer is that you may feel God’s grace over you, “18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:18-19
A message from our team of licensed therapists at Remain Connected Counseling:
As faith-based counselors serving the Atlanta area, it brings us immense joy to walk alongside individuals who are committed to finishing the race of life well. Regardless of where you find yourself on this journey, know that you are not alone. Your desire for healing is both valid and achievable. It is never too late to heal. It is NEVER too late for you. And God would never give up on you, so don't give up on yourself!
In conclusion, remember this: Your journey toward healing is a testament to your resilience and the unwavering love of a higher power. Embrace it, embrace yourself, and know that the best is yet to come.
Begin Working With A Therapist in Marietta, GA
Please consider reaching out to a qualified therapist. Our team of caring therapists would be honored to offer support with in-person and online services from our Marietta, GA-based practice. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
Reach out to talk to a Marietta therapist.
Have your first appointment at Remain Connected.
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Other Services Offered at Remain Connected Counseling
Our team knows you may experience other issues in your life. This is why we are happy to offer a variety of services including teen therapy, anxiety treatment, and EMDR therapy. In addition, we also offer life transitions therapy and depression counseling, and more all under a Christian counseling lens. By using online therapy, these services are available to anyone in Georgia. Learn more about our team of dedicated therapists and contact us for more information.
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